你有偷偷在看吗？

搁置了BLOG3天~其实自己一直都有上来看~
留言都有看~我都不知道该讲些什么~
就一句谢谢你们 就是我最想表达的感受，很感谢 也感恩
你们却不怎么认识我，却相信着 或一直站在我的立场体会着我的感受
我很感动
我说真的


不想写些什么因为我想好好沉淀，
也让我的BLOG可以恢复以前的平静
从来没有想过要很多人知道这个唯一我现在能够完全不用保留的地方
但是我想开始变得越来越难，因为我让一个很爱我的人 知道了这个记录了我一点一滴的地方
就是我的爸爸


4天前，我放工后根朋友去TESCO买我的日用品，还有工作可以填饱肚子的食物
我爸爸突然打电话给我，我才发现多久没有和他聊聊天
可以说是我来了KL几天就有几天没有好好的聊过。。

因为他也很忙着他的工作，在外地出差，所以很难跟我联络上 所以妈妈就时时都一直有打来
电话里传来爸爸的声音，我听得出他真的在想我。
只是声音还是跟平时那样普通，也不是那么激动，好像多了一份严肃


我们的对话

问我说，GIRL？你最近怎样了？
我答“我很好啊，开始工作了，现在才刚放工”
爸“你现在在哪里？”
我"在TESCO买一些日常用品跟食物啊”

我心里其实很怕爸爸会提起他的事，也是我这两个星期唯一故作什么都没事的事

因为如果问了我，我知道我无法回答也不会回答

结果越不想面对的事就是一定会出现
他~还是问了

爸“你跟他（我前男友）怎样了”
我还是假装着我冷淡的回答“没有怎样了，我们分手了”
爸“做么分手了？”
我“没有为什么，就不合，还是来KL我们发现彼此很多东西已经不能像以前那样了吧”
我真的很不想让他发现~~~

爸“GIRL，不只这样吧？我要你跟我说所有的事情，不要再瞒着我了，可以吗？”

我真的有点不知所措了 因为他这样问我

我“没有啊，真的没有什么”
我真的一直否认
爸“你不要以为我真的什么都不知道好吗？我都知道的好吗？”
我“你怎么知道了？谁告诉你的？”

爸“没有人告诉我，我要知道的话自然我都知道。我的女儿发生事情我感受不到吗？”
我知道这样很牵强，所以我问了一开始我觉得不肯能的唯一我爸会知道的原因

我“你看我的BLOG？”
爸“对！”


我当场有点傻了，我“你为什么会知道我的BLOG？为什么你会去看的？
一直在想，为什么他会有我BLOG的LINK~
好像某日我们一家人出去吃饭的时候~他看到我网站~然后又我的照片~他问我这是什么
我好像又敷衍的回答~只是一个在网上可以写日记的网站~
这是我的日记…………
但我真的真的没想到他会这样的放在心上
就是我随便说的 IAMYOANNE.BLOGSPOT.COM
当下我呆了~因为这个世界上真的不会有永远的秘密是可以瞒着自己亲生父母的
我知道，爸爸你都知道了
我就开玩笑的问了他~我知道他会~不过我只想借着机会扯开话题的
他说 “我会叫我秘书翻译给我啊”
他问我"为什么之前在KK你告诉我他对你多好，他为人多好？为什么不是这样子的 ？
我真的不会回答
我一直说，我没事，很好~很坚强~
然后说回到家再打给你~因为我怕再TESCO里失控
我的眼泪每次都不受控制的


其实为什么我会死都要隐瞒着一切？
因为我就是不要听到这样的话
为什么我要一个人面对，什么都不讲，没有当他们是爸爸妈妈，心里没有他们了，
而我最不愿意听到的是这一句
我做爸爸/妈妈的什么都做不到，我女儿被欺负，受委屈我什么都帮不到~
让我心最痛的就是这句~
因为我宁可他们埋怨我，责怪我，唠叨我， 劝告我，什么都好
就是他们责怪自己让我的心痛的当场无法释然，我一路讲眼泪也一面掉~
上了车，完全无法控制眼泪
我问我朋友，你也是一个这样爱妈妈的人，如果你妈妈责怪自己做得不够好是因为你不快乐你的心会痛吗？你知道我的心现在多痛吗？


这是我分手后没有哭过了一个星期的第一次掉下我的眼泪
我的心痛，我解释不了，也控制不了
因为这是我选择的路，我要自己负责，不是他们的错
19年来我从来没让他们真正放心过，
我始终都是那个让他们担心的那个不独立，依赖心很重，做东西粗心大意 让他们又爱又恨的女儿
我真的不想自己一辈子都要依赖着身边的人
小的时候依赖父母 长大依赖朋友 结婚又要依赖老公
我真的不想自己就这样过一生~
所以我明知道会不习惯，会辛苦，会失败 却要硬着头皮度过
明知道我会很不舍 会想念 却要忍着泪水，忍着思念 的一直往前走
知道那天离开的那天，我看着妈妈那张不舍得我离开家里的那张脸，
眼泪流下是因为担心我不会洗衣，不常整理房间，不懂做家务，不想煮东西吃
我那天强忍着眼泪跟她说，我一定会照顾自己的，一滴眼泪也没有掉，不是因为我没有感觉
是因为我告诉我自己，我不会让妈妈这张不舍得，为我操心的脸再出现
所以我连在机场入关都不敢把头回头看他们站在那里看我背影的脸，我不要掉眼泪
我真的知道看自己爱的人背影自己却要远远望着的感觉 我尝试过，我真的知道很难过
我的眼泪忍到坐在BOARDING SEAT 椅子上，看到我包包里面妈妈偷偷帮我带的PLASTER，PANADOL，保济丸，耳棉棒 还有一些我一直告诉她不用拿给我的小东西
我哭是因为妈妈是多么细心，也知道这些东西我到这里会用到 自己却不会想到要买的东西
我告诉自己，我要好好的，一定不让爸爸妈妈


这次哭了，很伤心的哭了一晚

不是为了什么爱情 还是什么别的人
是为了我这一辈子最爱的两个人-爸爸妈妈
一生会为我们着想而不顾自己的两个人


我知道我的痛 会是你们的两倍
因为我的一切是你们给我的

每天都是那么累，工作到9-10PM~
回到家就是梳洗过后都很晚了，上网是唯一娱乐
每次一看时间都是2-3 点才睡觉
每晚到家，都过了晚餐时间~超过9点吃东西其实对我来说很不容易
就算再饿我也吃不下了
我想我整天可以吃的最满足又很开心的只有家里的早餐了？
下午到晚上吃的，不是熟食面，面包，饼干，就是楼下唯一一间MAMAK~
有时宁可不吃~因为都吃不下~
几天前吃了KFC都突然觉得~好满足~好久没吃到的感觉~
感觉2个礼拜吃的东西加起来~都没有我在家吃到一餐晚餐的那么丰富~
现在发现有钱都有买不到的事物味道！
我好像妈妈的料理~我现在终于体会到我那些来这里读书的朋友说的
MOU DAM HOU SEK 的原因了
不是没钱，而是没得选
哈
好事~我觉得又瘦了~肚子的肥肉越来越薄~哈哈
才发现这里时间真的是不够用的，很累，却很充实
今天我跟老板到一家在PUDU的老人院，帮一些婆婆剪头发~
老板说，做善事，又可以让自己过得很有意义，也可以让自己锻炼多一点剪头发
一举两得
其实我很期待，不过我粗心大意的忘了带几样很重要的工具
老板没有责怪我的善忘，也没有教训我~
大概从1点到3/4点 才大功告成
在剪头发的过程其实我心里很多感触，突然很想哭，突然很想笑
想哭是因为我从小看到可怜的老人就会很难过，更何况在老人院？这间老人院又是属于给没有经济能力的老人住的~有些婆婆是哑巴了，有些是失聪了，大多数都要用拐杖行走的
都是年纪起码65岁以上的
我今天剪了4个婆婆的头发~
年纪最大的是87岁吧？她听觉开始退化了~我站在左边跟她剪的时候我跟她说话没回答我
我还以为婆婆不想说话，当我站在右边剪的时候我再问
婆婆你今年几岁了？头发还是很多哦！！一定很久没有剪了勒？那么长了~
我帮你剪短了，很美了
真的~她有跟我对话~
她只是左边听不到而已~
婆婆比我阿嫲年纪还大~但是都超可爱的~
一直笑~呵呵呵的~
我的感受很复杂~我想如果我没有来KL~也没有跟这个老板工作我应该很难才有机会做这些有意义的事吧？
我想我会争取这样的机会~可以找我，如果我时间允许我很乐意！！
如果可以~我很想继续能有机会用自己可以的能力做自己做到的事
心情会突然变好~很开心
我才发现原来做好事 很满足


在会发廊的路途~我一直跟老板谈天，才发觉，其实他很有想法，虽然年纪轻~却很有理想
很想在他身上学多点东西，不管是技术上，还是做人的态度~
我想我来到这里很幸运~
就是遇到很多对的人~让我现在一直成长~
爸，你有再看吗？
如果你又在偷看，我想让你知道，
你女儿 又长大了！！！



不好意思我突然变得那么 - 另类-
虽然来了这里感觉我的BLOG变得没有什么ENTERTAIMENT~没有CLUBBING，YUMCHA ，这里去那里去的生活，虽然还是有出去的~只是比较平平淡淡~还好我还到无聊死的阶段=P！

不要觉得我BLOGGING开始很烦还是觉得无聊~
就当我比较DIFFERENT好了~哈
我老了！

吵到死 不可以静一静哦？

是你逼我这样做的，你应该很想看我火起来
就火一火给你看啦


我真的很想说一句
“小姐，你有病啊？”
你是有人格分裂 还是极度妄想症？
不管你是小妹妹 少女 还是欧巴桑 你跟我都一样都是女的好不好?

如果你年纪轻的小妹妹 我原谅你的无知
如果你跟我年纪差不远 我同情你的幼稚
如果你是上成熟的妇女 我鄙视你的无知

老实说，我到现在还真的不明白你到底这样做可以得到什么
你每天来我的BLOG骂我，然后其它人就帮我骂回你
然后你又再骂回那些帮我说话的人眼睛瞎了才会帮我
不然就一直用不同名字来留言 还是你叫你的好朋友和好姐妹一起来？
说真的，我的CBOX虽然是给所有人来留言的，但是你每天来
讲来讲去都是那几个字，你不会觉得SIEN的咩？


我读书就是不多，就是高中读到中五毕业
所以我不敢用英文来跟你叽里呱啦 所以我尽量用中文写文章来给你明白蛤=）

你说我INSULTING我的前男友 来博全部人的同情
DICTIONARY里写明INSULTING的意思是侮辱
我侮辱我前男友？你觉得你凭什么怀疑我说的是侮辱？你看到什么字眼是我在侮辱？告诉我
就是我写那篇　361　ＴＨＥ　ＥＮＤＬＥＳＳ？
里面的字字句句我告诉你，如果我是作假你老娘我现在变脑残啊我　　　
　你是神！真的是料事如神！简直是太厉害啦！

告诉你，去问我前男友，我YOANNE是在侮辱他吗？是在颠倒是非吗？是在撒谎吗？
如果他没有认同你，他也说你多此一举 那我真的觉得你可以静静了=）
毕竟多管闲事也不是什么让你觉得很骄傲的事~
把自己搞得好像很三姑六婆不觉得吗？


更好笑的是，
我跟不认识的人睡觉



哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦
我也有拍照哦
看到吗？
哦，老男人


告诉你，如果说我跟你男朋友睡，
不如你说我强奸你男朋友

这样一来你也不会那么没面子？！
因为你跟你男朋友是受害者嘛！

夸张一点没关系，反正你喜欢吵吵闹闹
你有什么照片？我真的很想看看~
还是不如你把你男朋友的资料，照片，什么时候我们一起睡？在那里睡？也一次过公布
让其他人知道我跟别人睡之余，又让我们可以知道你男朋友是谁~
哦，当然，你也不为过~
自然的成为我VISITORS留言里讲的那个失败者
KOLIAN！
真的很想知道那个你说的男朋友是谁
希望不是你妄想症里的幻觉
=）



抓奸在床？
WOOOO~~~~~


好一句狐狸精！
如果我是真的跟你男朋友睡，你要检讨 管好自己男朋友再来这里管别人=）
你让我好同情，因为连自己的不尊重自己


给你做一个地球人你不要 却要做火星人
那么就回去你的火星吧 -外星人
=）



你管我在我BLOG里说什么，
就算我说我其实是男的，来看的人可以当我放屁
你酱不爽做么？
还有，我到现在没有指明道姓讲是谁哦
你现在其实也可以当我放屁
不要生气啊！！！！！


我沉默不吵闹不是我默认，是我要给你机会发泄。
你应该忍得满辛苦了。
我懂我懂~~


我不会生气，更不会用粗俗的字眼来羞辱你
因为我不会INSULTING~
哈哈哈
但是可惜

你会！！！
保持安静 因为我有用到脑
你的脑在那？
有在用吗?
HALLO?
不用就生锈的咯！



可悲~~~~~
来乖~~~SAYANG~~~



噢对！
谢谢你帮我冲人气=）
感激不尽

突然听到一首这样的歌



不喜欢怀疑什麽
并不表示我没有感受
看你微妙的变化 慢慢不同
我不是生气 只是心痛
最讨厌被误会了
但越解释越觉得难过
你可以说人会变
但不能说 你会这麽做 是我的错
哭过就好了
伤都会好的
这样相信所以深呼吸著割舍
爱是为了拥抱 为了牵手 不是为了争吵 为了调头

哭过就好了
痛都会走的
记忆有限 所以它会淘汰坏的
失眠听歌 想念虽然苦涩 还是谢谢你让我长大了

哭过就好了
痛都会走的
记忆有限 所以它会淘汰坏的
失眠听歌 想念虽然苦涩
还是谢谢你让我长大了

越多美好堆叠的过往 想忘就得推倒更大的悲伤

要找勇气却不在口袋或手上
但它一定在我身上某个地方

哭过就好了
痛都会走的
记忆有限 所以它会淘汰坏的
失眠听歌 想念虽然苦涩
还是谢谢你让我长大了

这是梁文音的歌


只是看到歌词 我就会觉得痛


很累
昨晚5点才入睡
现在快闭眼睛了
怎么工作

懒得理你

最近很勤劳BLOG，虽然日子过得其实满无聊
哈
原谅我，这里是我暂时打发时间的娱乐
会一直出现我工作发生的事情，因为这几天都重重复复
没有什么特别
只是今天很多照片拍，又VIDEO
原因两支蚂蚁在店里，ANTERNAL YOANNE都是 AN
早上一到店里就一直跟我嗮命昨天去QUATTRO又拿到LMF的帽子
是LMF丢过去给她的！*这个是重点



YOANNE
ANTERNAL


YA，show ing show ing
然后楼上该死不开MODEM，没有得上网，幸好我有带BROADBAND
FACEBOOK SIAOOZABOO~~~
没有FB会崩溃
客人喜欢凑热闹？老板一走开~
就突然爆多人，我们两个人四支手，客人按门铃又要去开门
我们就说为什么老板不要把按钮换成用脚踩的比较方便
明天要建议建议了


今晚ＯＴ到１０点多
回到家就上网到现在～４点了～还不睡，失眠了。ＫＬ时间都是那么不够用








我很多东西很想发表的其实
但是为了顾全大局，还是闭嘴为妙
想说就算我装可怜，作故事　难道他会配合我？　他会想要挽回还是那么后悔？
如果你是他，你会那么伟大吗？帮一个不值得的人骗全世界来损坏自己的名誉？别人我不懂
但我可以肯定，如果他觉得没错，绝对不会给自己挂上罪人的罪名的
有时做人不要太过爆正义感　如果你想为他说好话，还是替他感到不平　你可以发泄没关系
我不会删除我的ＣＢＯＸ的，有话想讲，就给讲个够吧
我不回应只是不想让别人火上加油　


言论自由
　虽然这是我的ＢＬＯＧ我可以决定


我尊重你，　
你懂什么是尊重吗？

不要说我不值得被尊重正当我没有鄙视你的人格　
你以为你什么？
也是地球人一个

Oh plezz!

wanna blog for today
but im so lazy and sleepy.
MISS ANT!pergi quattro..but i missed..
LOL
seriously kinda touch de today wat she respond me.
i mean like i really not alone bah.
keep get scold by her i am sohai..never see a girl sohai as me..kolian ~after talked about him.is her mention 1st?
= ="
Aiksss..then feel im hungry so she said accom me go order food at mamak at downstair
NASI KANDAR restaurant nasi pattaya not nice =(
here no nice food lo weih..i just ate 1 or maximun 2 meal per day..
no money,no appettite
gonna use my money so smart now..because kinda poor d~
sleepy day for today
both of us boring till sleepy
she aso 3 am only asleep last9



Just now still dated chuck chuck keiii go shopping after her spm.
Awww..we 2 years dint meet up d~winkz winkzz
she gonna change her style and i wanna find a style suitable me too.
Headache!
cant wait to meet her~and all the babes` xoxo
Don wanna be sakai at kl pls!!!!
I wanna changed more more more..and pls
diet more!!!!
suddenly feel all kl girls so slim!
YOR~hard feeling la
just 1 month for me more pls!!!!!!!!

-
-
-
-
-


and spammer at my cbox again
making fun ha?
LOL
lai lai lai...


kl got how tiny?are u joking?i mean are u mean kl area?or whole selangor?
why my secret related with KL?can u pls tell me why?
Something like i doing jenayah at this country yeah?
no 1 is feeling glad after broke up 1 pls,
even me,i still dint think im glad that i leave him finally?
so u just trying to making missunderstanding or turn the fire on to argue huh?

i adore ur courage to leave msg here=) hope its wont look stupid
faster tell ppl wat i did pls~
wanna knw wanna knw!CURIOUS ING!

最讽刺的 [ 一年快乐 ]

第一天开始新的工作环境 虽然没有什么陌生还是不习惯的感觉
也许同事也是朋友，老板人也很好
年轻就是那么FREE 没有约束一大堆
今天还蛮愉快的，晚餐老板请吃DOMINO PIZZA
同事是位很帅的女生，迟点就知道是谁=）





在家自拍 很久没有这样了


我看起来很忧郁
憔悴

但起码还可以笑的出

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最后一起的夜晚
是句号





看到日期 11月25 号
这天其实应该要在一起庆祝
应该要开开心心 两个人黏在一起 都已很足够
但却这样平淡的说一句
讽刺的
一年快乐
一句现在不属于我们的一句祝福


我们从相识到相爱到最后伤害
如果问我后悔吗 我会答 没有必要后悔
这是自己做的选择自己要负责
爱情不能买保险 风险要自己承受
如果可以预知幸福会最终跟什么人一起 那样就不会有令人赞叹的爱情故事了吧
虽然愚昧的说了一句 如果没有发生 我们现在会一起庆祝吧
原来我原本设定好的计划跟早已想好说的话
但是今天我自己竟然完全想不起来了
我让自己看开了很多吗 还是不在乎了
不要以为我在难过好吗？不要以为我还是放不下好吗？
不要以为我没用好吗？不要以为我真的那么脆弱好吗？

我只是是不愿意去恨 不愿意埋怨

很想说一句

你可以不爱了 别说你舍不得
这样很残忍



如果没有什么事，就让电话没有出现你的名字吧。
可能这样心会更坚定


PS：谢谢你们的关心，不管我认不认识你，你们认不认识我
我只想说谢谢
你们的安慰我会感激的，但不要拥有怨恨的成分
这个结局我们没有人是胜利者

我的CBOX要PEACEFUL~
好了，晚了。。
明天要继续工作
加油~！

我很好

真的没有再哭泣 看到你没有什么特别的反应
我让自己学会放弃 让自己学会怎么更爱自己



我生气
是因为你自己没有好好珍惜我最后为你保留的一点尊严
我难过
是因为你还执著的为自己找那么多借口来换取别人的同情
我无言
是因为你现在所做的一切都只是为了禰補伤害我的过去



离开你知不知道勇气要多少 你不会知道 因为你知在乎自己难过又多少
到底知不知道我多努力只让别人看到我们的甜蜜 不是你有多没有能力

爱情不需要这样去比较 是我告诉自己爱得定义
你却屡次这样狠心摧毁我的心

不要说什么你可以为我做什么 说我在你心里是多么无可代替
如果你连一点被人讽刺都无法抗拒 无法容忍那么一点委屈

不要说你爱过我真的没有后悔 说什么很对不起
如果你有曾想过珍惜我付出那些 疼惜我为你流下的泪滴

到现在我还是说我不是可怜的 也不要被可怜的
因为我是这样想的 起码我最后分手还是带着尊严
我没有什么心虚 心虚的人才会这样为自己解释

希望他可以明白 要怎样才会让别人尊重
因为我真的很怕看到他朋友这样对我说
原来他是一个这样的人 原来我能容忍是一个这样的一个人
然后他又跑来告诉我 现在所有人都责怪他了
我要怎么回答 那么可爱的问题
我只是做对的事，说真的话
没有要责怪谁对错谁对
爱情如果有分对错 那就不要爱好了


遇到了一个不珍惜自己的人
是一种让自己更自爱的肥料
发生了被人狠心伤害的事
这些一种让心更坚强的肥料


我很好
是因为我现在学会了怎样都不可以忘记自己可以拥有幸福的权利


会有这样的一天的
我拥有最真心的依靠


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昨晚有一个很好的朋友陪我去买了新电话 ， 我的SIMCARD也去DIGI CENTRE弄好了
大家如果有我联络号码的可以放心找我了
=）
让朋友家人担心了几天 真的很内疚
昨晚他也到我去了LUNABAR 虽然他一直要我说发生事的经过 一直提我失恋
但我却已一直说我很好 一点也不想诉苦
最后回家的路上是我在开解他
因为他知道不需要安慰我 不需要辅导我
因为比我可怜的人还更多 我算什么
我都已经自我痊愈的很好
真的很感激我在这里有那么好的朋友
我其实很幸运

想起CHRISTINE 跟我说的
我不觉得还需要跟你讲什么 你都知道要怎样做了
都说了，我在这里承受所有的事我会没事的
因为我要自己很好再想现在那样的告诉你们 我很好 不要担心我




明天开始工作了
今天就让自己开心的放纵一天吧
SABAH几个朋友来了 一定要守承诺的陪她逛街
哈哈


需要赚钱 很多东西要去买
加油吧
XOXO

361 THE ENDLESS.

I dunno where i should i start to write..
And dunno should i express everything out or not?
Everyone is asking,everyone is curious.
Why is our end day on 21/11/2009 the 361 days we belong to each other?
I saw the notes at his facebook
The tittle is LOVE YOU and is he tagged me.


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Yesterday afternoon,i fetch you from LRT station, i was happy,we went to tropicana and we still can laugh together,smile and talk.holding your hand,and then we went to my college,intro u to my classmate.back to my house,let you rest and sleep.hugging you and kissed you.at night,we went to poppy.i though it was nice night.we drink dance together and hugging..evendore your dance quite funny but i happy to hug and dance with you but for small problem and some reason,we both bad mood for awhile.after club,i don't know what happen to us. Suddenly became so bad,we quarreled so badly.i also not understand why and how came like that.Until we both like sohai cried.I lost control untill wanna cut my hand and punch the floor many times. After that we still had a nice night and play somestuff..Before you went back ampang,we did it again and seem you are normal.I'm not expect that after you went back you made a decision.and cass told me that you don't want to continue anymore.i was shock and why before you went back you not going to tell me?.This thing can make me crazyI'm waiting for this 25 for our first year.Hope you calm down now and give me a chance.Love you.our pic memories in 361 days.the picture is uncountable.too many.just upload fews

You teach me how to love people
You teach me how to appreciated ppl
You teach me how to write love letter
You advise me about my future
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and photos of us..
And i should be touch rite? am i?
But i was shocked by my respond that i am blank.
Because i understand him more than everyone,
This is the way he express the guilty when everything its become a fact.
I doesnt blame him always wanna be the one innocent .
I really don mind to be the person who being blame by others.

如果你是爱我的 你会让我快乐
如果我是爱你的 我会让你自由
让你拥有你要的生活


如果我们是爱得痛苦的 这不会有结果
我真的无所谓 我不怕一个人 我不怕寂寞 更不害怕承受委屈
我只想好好的做原来的自己 难道有错吗
我的原谅难道有这样不值钱吗？
为何要这样践踏 为何要这样残忍



I just don wan lost the rules of myself , I just don wan to changed to another person that is not yoanne anymore.
Why u cant try to understand?
U said u bring me go clubbing because u loved me,But i told u i don like to club and i just wanna spend time with u even just stay at house.That's really enough for me because u is the only wat i need.
I don wanna go because i knew,u will drunk and i will saw the differences u by my real eyes that nite..That the most i don wanna to see.
U cant see me how uncomfortable am i step intro the clubs.I tried to told myself,be happy Yoanne =)
U told me,Babe,tonight u help me count how much i drink,i wanna see my limit to drunk.This is my 3rd cup for tonight!
Im stunt and tears gonna drop because lasttime u ever told me like this.
Babe,i will not drunk if u r beside me because i wanna take care of u,so i cant drunk.
But now u asked me to takecare of u when u r drunk.U already forget last sunday u promised me that u wanna protect me and take care me no matter where...
Once ur mind just wanna drink,u forget...everything..
And again,ur happiness is build on my sadness.
And i saw u take the chivas bottle keep finding friend and said 5 sec or trying to let urself drunk.
I sit on the sofa and i don even dare to see u,i know i see the faces of u will make me being emo,and i don wanna cry
Ur friend 1 by 1 keep asking me,why u seem dint drunk?
Or
Yoanne,Are u okay?
I replied,because i never get myself drunk at club and i cant,i pointing him and say:Are him really look like this during the day he club at kl?
His friend dint dare to replied me anything..
I keep quiet and my mind is so clear.And u said,Hey i just wanna chill my friend ma,why u wanna blaming me and cant understand?He is get tipsy that time i knew.
On the way back home i dint even talked and just pretend nothing..
U will know how hard feeling if one day that character of us is oppesite.

Reach home u r 1st thing to do is ran up to upstair toilet and vomit.
After that went to ur bed and sleep.
I answered a call and u started suspect me that i betrayed u
But actually i just wanna a talked to express my feeling..
U seem mad and asked me who is that fella?
and u say u wanna call that ppl ..I don let u to do that,because i tot u will respect me at least a little bit?
U said if i dint tell u who is that and u gonna broke my sim's card and throw it away.
I tot u wont do that,i tot u wont that cruel and lost rational to treated me like that..
And i still don say anything and said that u break then..
And u did,i saw my eyes that u break my sim cards and throw outside..
U do forget without my number and i will lost contact with all family and my friends,they will finding me panic if cant call in at all..
I crying and finding the sim card like crazy at outside like i lost something is valueble..
I told him my mom will worry me and my relative at kl will worry me..i must found the sim card,i must get back my number.
But u let me know the fact,found aso useless,its broken because i do broke it just now..

I wanna talk with christine alot,and until now,i dint tell anyone of my friend at kk,and my family
I dint show anyone of them because its enough to let them worry me,and i cant let them hard feeling..
The only can let me not alone contact is lost，its broken .

我不会忘记那晚你拿刀说你爱我到要割手腕证明
你用拳头捶地上来发泄
我并没有觉得这样做是对的
但那时我只能阻止你这样做，我没多说
但或许这是冲动，伤害自己更会让我看不起
因为是威胁着我
不要把这种事发生在爱情里 这样的证明会让人觉得累


Im cold,just don wan to get chance to hurted more.
I scare will expect anything again..So i choose to being cold.
I go alone to find u,i back alone to leave you.
Reached home and viewed u facebook account as usual,after viewed my own profile
Saw u still asking ur fren when wanna club and don forget to ask u along.
And i knew,there's nth changing,u still u..i know is time to let u do wat u like..
And i don wanna stop u to having ur own life style that is not i wanted.
We two choose the different way since we leave kk.
Im not use to be advise ur future anymore..
Yes im not.


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I just wanna go interview my work at kl myself
and u tot im not going alone or im got another reason to going out without u.
U said say yoanne go ahead,actually u no need i care or u r ignore me.Go find another guy better ,such as ***** and im not a good guy that poor and bad.
I said u will regret and i will remember wat u told me.
Finally u really found out this is the missunderstanding and u told me u wanna test my respond that he send me those msg really make me hurted.
U wanna test my respond and u dunno how pissed off i am that actually u never trust on me.
U said u r caring me,but at the same time u r suspecting me.
Everyone can not understanding me that my situation here,but u cant.
Because we ever promised that must always trusting each other and care each other before u come here.
U don understand how i feel ashame on myself when i living at relative house and they will keep asking me when i started working or they all told i already found work then i came kl..
So most of the time i only stay inside room.Because i feel so shame when ppl got a high expect to me but i dint did well as they tot.

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I din blame or complain that u cant give my anything,or u cant help me anything over here.
Because the only on desire of me is we can being peaceful here and stop hurting.
But i forget one thing,something changed is cant get back with 100% as before.

In my mind i just save down our sweet memories,everything happy between us in these day
The sad and imprefect memories will be deleted.
You will set a place in my heart that is never get replace by others,but it just in heart we know.

I dunno how long time i need to recover..
Im trying harder..
Still will awake suddenly at midnite and sit on bed to cry
because the memories flash out without my permission.
And there's no u rub my tears out anymore
I dunno when can the tears stop dropping is for u..
Dunno when it become dry and no more tears inside
But at least,
I done this article with no crying...
I really dint...





一起躺着 也各自有梦
不争吵 不温柔 不分手 却不快乐
放弃努力 在做什么
就怕会更难过 只好装作我比你冷漠
你给的解释总是太晚
我已经疼痛的无法释然
听多了解释会让人失去信任
所以别指责 我敏感
很受气谈恋爱 苦涩的习惯
宝贝宝贝的叫着对方 只是无法改变习惯
在别人眼中 我们被羡慕甜蜜美满
才讽刺让心最酸
当爱情弄得的像折磨 又想要挽留什么



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你连回答我朋友为什么我的SIM CARD会不见的勇气也没有
因为你惭愧吗
敢作要敢当 这样才会得到最后的尊重 知道吗

我突然真的好想家 好想好想家。。。。

Day 5

Suddenly found this photos at my hp,
its a self camwhore photo before photoshoot last 2 week ago at snips.
Its about bridal make up photoshooting.=)
1st time put on light colour make up,i guess pink+whiteeyes shadows on my eyelid.
i hope when i being real bridal on my wedding day just put on a light smokey is better.
I felt i not suitable with light colour 1?

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Okok,wanna write something about my life here..
Today already is the 5th day at here,so fast..
Im sorry i dint owez keep in touch with all my friends,or u guys scare disturbing my life?
Is ok la,in heart can feel each other aso enough d=)
Do interview for few saloon at sgw and ts area.
And doesnt really feel wanna working over there.
There's too stress...i scare i cannot handle
Im going work at pj/subang/bangsar area for temporary 1st i think..

Friday gonna meet him and he wanna accom me go for interview..
Seriously we do argue very serious yesterday about i go ts and sgw alone for interview
And i found that he very panic about my life at kl.
Or he just wanna protecting me don let me get in trouble?
Im sorry i doesnt let u feel confiedent that i can take care myself well. But give me time,i will show u that i can =)
Im lucky i think..
At least i m not alone here.

Yesterday after interview,i went cheras 'hong lok'night market
Mr Johnson bring me go,and thanks alot to him!
He is the kind man fetch me from klia,help me this and that and never request for any benefits!
Honestly,its my 1st time been there since i come kl that often.
Just owez miss the chance to come over..
Im excited u know,and i cant wait to keep eat everything nice at there as i can
Din eat well for 3 days,and i wanna let my tummy being satisfied !
What did i ate?
-Tou fu fa
-Luk Luk
-Xue hua
-Fried fish
-Chinese Kuih with vegetable
-Cheese tart
-Fried kuey teow

i swear this time i break my life record
But ofcoz all those food i not sweap all myself la..
Mr johnson got help some~HAHA

And another thing,night market stuff wan soo cheap mer?
OMG~those eyelashes.mask,cosmetic,access,shoes,etc
really feel like come here just will make myself get mad
i buy alot thing that so expensive at mall,and here the same thing the price that diff..
SOB

start walk at there around 9 something,we leave around 11.50~
And getting more crownded here.feel so dizzy and hard to breath ler
then he send me home
eyes gotta close while i on9 and finally
sleep infront laptop while half chatting
someone nudge me non stop but i dint feel anything.
Too tired.
Im sorry.


GHHH!!!

The brand new day!

Its a little updated for my blog
Leaving home its been 3 days ago..
I mean the 1st time i need take care myself without my parents.
Im sorry being mommy girl suddenly because i really do miss my mom and dad now.

That night before i leave kk,
I wrote 3 letters,My mom,my dad,and my sister.
Dunno why feeling i do really long time dint talk with my parent with so touching words..
When i was young ,i will write letter to my dad when im sad,when he's mad about me,
or when i realy wanna express my feeling but don dare to say it out face 2 face.
But when i getting older,i feel i doesnt wanna express my feeling infront my parents or can say,it seem getting hard to express to them.
I knew my mom really don wished i leave here..
because since i say im going kl work,she's the one who keep advice and warning me,did u sure u wanna go there?
'u sure u can effort the life over there?u think u really can take care urself?'
Yes i know mommy,u loved me and u don wan me to being alone facing problem or i still like a baby tat in ur heart?
But im sorry mommy,i knew u r sad and how don willing i leave..
But u r girl is not a baby anymore,she wanna go for her life and create her career that without againts parents..
She wanna prove that she can being strong enough.
Because she's daughter both of u.
She wanna let both of u proud of her =)
Don worry me okay?
I wiill take care of myself here..


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Its sad for the last day i leave kk,i dint hang out and i choose at house.
Because i feeling nt well and not in the mood..
Christine,Ben and Fish come my house and they help me coloured my extension wig.
But i dint talked much,i doing my snips folio quiet and keep try to impress my sadness.
Because i doesnt feel wanna cry that night Its really poor me if i do cry like a kids.
3 of them dint talk much with me too,
i guess they know should't talk anything sad or touch to make me hard feeling at the last night? Cause they hope me being tough and go on the road i choosen.
So,they choose to being forgotten me going to leave without 10 hours more..
I open my Facebook,blog just keep saw the words they wrote about me and i started drop my tears..
Suddenly christine was pm me at facebook,and i knew she's sad.
Although we mayb just around 3 month dint meet others,but i guess its a long time to go for a person who need to wait..
She told me that the 6 frens of us cant do anything to me,they guilty~
2 of us dint meet me at the last day with a selfish reason..
But once i heard the reason they dint free to come meet me actually i dint feel hard feeling..
But christine do,she just cannot accept why.
Seriously,i dint blame anyone at all,because they got own reason to do wat they wanted.
.And i cant stop rite?
And i really rather and i do warning christine no need to send me go airport the next day.
Because i really don wanna cry,and its spoiled my make up i joke with her.
She said she don wan to go,because its like damn feeling bad if she stand at airport and looking my back view going to boarding and she need to stand outside there..
She felt that i leaved her..
So she willing dint see me that day..
Yes i can understand her feeling,just like lasttime i watching him walk into the entrance.
.And im the one who standing outside.. I can feel it.
Mayb me and her do really look strong and tough,but our heart really weak sometimes,
i scare when she need me to hang out when moody im not there to stand by can go fetch her,i worry she will let ppl hurted her again cause owez give the last chance but not latest.
Its too many to say...
Beside that,i knew still got another girls who owez support and care about me behind me.
Mayb she dint like to express her feeling to everyone,or she dunno how.
But i know she's kind as well,just abit emo and easy think negatively lasttime
I remember that day we knew each other and we chat with sms so much,i call u and talk with u..ask u to be more confiedent,hang out,go clubbing,come my hse overnite,go the camp frm my mom company,go pierce together..etc
Thanks bby,i apologize.
I do really make u feel alone and dint seem important at that time
because human owez hard to balance everything until too fair..
Mayb u olreadi dint feel wanna blame on me,but still,u r great~=)
Dont impress ur feelng that should let ppl undertstand u more..
ok?
always being happy and enjoy ur life..don make things regret k~
LOVE u wen2
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I dint sleep the whole nite long,i wonder why im tired,but my eyes once close i feel so hard to breath and nervous..
Im stress and worry.
.
My dad aso taking flight to kl same day with me,
but he just transfer flight at klia then he go bangkok for out station.
He woke around 4am and his flight was 6am~He saw me at living room and

he touch my head and say take care ya daughter,any thing happened must let dad know,i will help u whenever u need me.okay?
He look so sad and but in his eyes i can see the love of him to me.
i open gate and say goodbye to him,ask him to take care while working too..
Just prepare myself around 7am and get out from hse around 9am~
Mom and my sibling all go breakfast together
My mom hug me when she come down from stair..i guess she read the letter.
she her eyes with tears..
LOL~my mom is cute enough
i just ask her u dare cry i don wan coi u..
my mom like a little girl suddenly~HAHA
and she keep asked me wat u wanna eat the most?
Hmm..i said watever la,i dint feel that hungry actually..
After breakfast then headed to airport,take some picture
and i dint return my head back when i boading.
My tears keep impress for whole morning finally drops~
Not that pity la,but just my 1st time ma..
KL is not strange for me,but i need to started everything again..
anyway,wish me luck yea.
and thanks for those msg who sent me that day.
Warm,Sweet and Touch Enough!
LOVE u guys.
and im so lucky to having u guys.
I appreciated!

<3>

15/11/2009

time 2.30am

i cant sleep
just let the sun show me is the day reached
i got too many to blog
but not now
wait me
stay tuned

彷徨

昨晚到家发现喉咙有点不对劲
说话很吃力又好像会破音
以为只是因为唱歌唱太厉害所以才会引起声音暂时变质
怎么知道早上醒来，声音没有变好
反而好像更严重了

所以整天很懒惰说话
心情很不好
虽然今天是我很期待也很开心的日子
约好了一大班SNIPS的朋友来我家烤肉搞PARTY
结果我的失常真的有够SPOILED我的MOOD 我想他们也觉得很怪吧
真是不好意思，都是最后的聚会了还没有留下完美的句点

真的很DOWN
最近严重失眠 几乎都早上4点睡，然后不到7点一定醒来然后又睡不着了
明明很累却又无法睡得很好
很无奈
现在的我真的很慌 很担心
但没有选择

无法回头
一个人也要好好生活下去
毕竟这是我从前到现在的决定跟选择


明天很忙 很多东西没完成
还是有遗憾的
到底该怎么办

硬

Promise of my previous article that will most more..

The photoshoot from YvonneTeo
my best friend from secondary school.and she's talent =)

Actually the theme of this time photoshoot is really meaningful for me
Because i wore high heels,i got long hair,i make up,i look feminine
But i climb the storn,i walk the bump soil road,i stand under sun at noon for an hours

That is me.

Keep going on my way for my life no matter its hard or full of challenge
once i felt its right,i will not give up and resolute with my choice.


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我倔强 因为不想当温室小花
风雨可侵袭 干旱可摧毁
那么脆弱也短暂
宁可做一株野草
顽固的生命力 根基扎实
就算除掉了又可以再生长

我忍耐 因为我相信得到需要代价
但不要把我的忍耐践踏着
视我的付出理所当然

我沉默 因为更可以分出真假对错
但不要以为我什么都不知道
视我的存在不以为然

我犯贱 因为明知道会跌倒会痛
因为痛过才知道下次路要怎么走
视我忘了怎么跌又重复让我伤口跌伤


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我接受批评 愿意改变
但不希望让别人决定我的选择
我自己会判断 是非对错
人生攻击的人享受着伤了别人的那一刻
但同时要为自己默哀 因为做了这些小人之为
也忘了同时会有大人不记小人过这句话
到最后得到的是雪耻
到底为了爽什么 ？
三姑六婆才喜欢制造是非 比嘴贱
不要用粗俗的字眼承托自己的文化 好吗

SIBUK nya!

It seem i started kinda late too update my blog
Really busy with my life now..Its time to pack my things to move this coming sunday..

What i did for last week?
-with the 6 friends hanging out
-photoshoot for my babe yvonne
-clubbing at saturday nite
that is the main activity actually,and just like usual go snips,back home,sleep,tv,bla bla bla

Im so complicated for this month and i do really trying to forcing myself to forget about it
and think positively so i wont emo again.
Enjoy life, aren't?

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Photo from her.
Yvonne Teo
Im apologize that im not a good outdoor photoshoot model
Because im fat im fat im fat
yea,im on diet wor!
i will post more for the coming article


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This saturday nite just busy clubbing day
change 3 place and dance hard,im just cant miss chance to shake the calories and wanna shake off my fats for 5 kg more!!!

kenny,the hamster everyday tease me!
and force me to called him aso gor gor today.
I felt digusting because i never called ppl as jie2 or gor2 coz im the eldest 1 since i born.


adrian aka phoebe,my buddy !
loong,the caring dude and talktive


on the way to ice bar with my love christine

Her ofcoz!


ahh..sotong.i guess i was tipsy tat time
see my sweat and wet fringe!
LOL

back home around 4am.

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PS:
look at my CBOX
got a spammer name YOU
he/she :
Ur ex said tat u flirt with many guys...
only thing was good in BED..
YOU re absolutely a SLUT.

see that see that?
LFMAO

SENTENSE 1-my ex told u that i flirt with many guys?

ohh?i only got 1 EX before and he is 1 of our 6 friends 1 soul,u make me laugh coz
ur spam is been reject with the 1st sentense.LAME
(i flirt with uncle sometime because when they come saloon cut hair and wash hair i will talk with them,touch their hair,scalp.YOU know la,so close ler)REALLY MANY GUYS LO,EVEN KIDS,TEENAGERS AND OFCOZ UNCLE THAT CAN BE MY GRANPA le weih!

SENTENSE 2-only good in BED

Hmmp...You ah You..u mean i good in fu*k huh?
Well,if im good and praise by my partner i should be proud * evil laugh
I will be more SOB if im a DEAD FISH in bed!hahaha

SENTENSE 3-YOU ur absolutely a SLUT

excuse me,are u mention you or me?because u type ur NAME is YOU.
and ur sentense mention about 2 words by big capital letter
(YOU & SLUT)
YOU SLUT! LMAO
okok,stop joking~back to topic
Everyone of the MALE know about ME longer,sometimes they will told me about
Hey yoanne,U r outlook lie me. I tot u r girly ,but why u so MAN?especially when i working.HAA
Did u ever see MAN being SLUT?brainless!
show me show me!!!!

SHOUT~~~~~~~arhh..
pls,spammer if u wanna hurted me or trying to making trouble at my blog and my relationship with my friend?

PLS BE CREATIVE abit la weih.
see!because of ur silly make me waste my time to reply u so long here..
yer....!!!!!!! HAHAHA!
*evil laugh again*

6 Friends 1 Soul-UPDATED

这篇我需要很久时间完成。
如果可以，可以好好读完吗？
谢=）

1-Christine
2-Ben
3-Wilson
4-Jacky
5-Chueng@fish
6-Me!

The 6 friends But 1 Soul

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- No 1-CHRISTINE LAW

I must start my article with 1 by 1 of all the characters 6 of us
The 1st one i choose Christine Law


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我想用中文 因为这样我可以更明白的说出想要说的一切

她跟我长得完全是两个样的女生 轮廓我们绝对没有相似点
身高体型也不像 就连胖的地方也完全不一样 哈哈

但是我们最像的是
很多人看我们第一眼的感觉都还好 因为我们没有衣一副看起来很友善的嘴脸
也许讲话都串串的 表情都是臭臭的 感觉就是怕我们会吃掉的感觉
但这是我们的一种方式交朋友 就是不会刻意虚伪 因为我们都知道戴面具很累
所以我们可以很了解对方 想法可以很一致

是她

每次只要我一通电话就可以

哭，她是那唯一抱着我
饿，她凌晨3点陪我去吃面
骂，当我受委屈的时候
陪，我没有了男朋友在身边的日子
教，我懂得很多人生会经历的事
听,我每次重重复复的话题
说，一些不是每个人都可以听的道理

我很幸运因为她为我做的一切
因为她从不会跟我计较些什么 就是这样的不求回报
我知道她不会刻意说好听的话 表现多伟大
所以我心里时时刻刻记住她做的一切

我这辈子不会成为她那些失望的朋友

我知道她真的会很痛
因为我知道一个真心付出的人
是不该被人滥用别人的心软而满足自己
如果可以我会成为那个保护着她不被其他朋友伤害的角色
不讲太多肉麻话，我们心也可以感受的到
真心







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- NO-2 BEN CHUNG

The 2nd of US,BEN CHUNG
I dunno why choose to talk about him for the 2nd 1,
Mayb he just very got relate with Christine Law :P
Im not going to seperate too far He And She =)
Seriously,i dunno wanna use english to type about him or chinese?
Because the both language i think he aso ' half bottle water'.LOL
sorry to say that XD

Ok,i choose english better,mayb i wil mix some chinese later?

BEN CHUNG,the tallest friends in my life..Seriously,he got 190+?
And i knew about this huge boy around 1 year and 1 week i think.
Since the day i step intro Snips,this boy SPOT my sight..Just because the 1st respond of me
WALAO!how come got ppl so HUGE?
And this boy is so cute!with his very single eyelid small eyes
see

he bear me and fish!so strong XD!

If i dint wrong,he is the 1st ppl i dare to talk at snips?
He always let me felt he really no confiedent to himself
And dunno how 2 express his feeling to everyone?He dint talk much..Tat is BEN CHUNG
i knew before he coupled with Christine Law.
After 4 month i learn hair dressing at snips,I suggest ben that both of us need go find part time
for weekend because we r so free..
1stly,he don even dare to step intro those saloon for interview..I still remember i push him!
HAHA..Like that,he started getting more mature in his mind..
I think im the one who push him kinda more in his career..Because i knew this boy personality is
really kinda good with responbility and not arrogant..He would like to learn all the time..
And now,Ben Chung is not the shy and quiet at all..TEASE me very EXPERT!
Im happy to know him,a boy always bring fun to me..
Not really how to chill ppl when sad,but very true..
Thats why he is one of us!





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No-3 WILSON LAI



The 3rd friend,WILSON LAI
Both of us know most earlier,because during high school we 2 in the same school bus
Our house in the same park,but we dint talk at all..
After a year we met each other again at saloon,then he found out tat im that girl who always wan whole bus waited to come out so long 1..
HAHA~cause im the latest passanger ma..plus i really lated kinda often..
This is the 1st image of him to me..LOL
We r kinda unique relationship before that,mayb we like each other,but actually its not love.
So we choose to being back friend,So today we got the 6 friends.
He is mystery because dint talk much..But he's not tat type of quiet or shy boy..
Just wont being active before know longer..And u can always see smiling face owez hanging on his face..
And his voice laughing aso kinda ehh..special la,wilson style.HAHA
Although he got some missunderstanding btw all us,or we ever tot he is the boy always not serious with relation or friend?
But actually he doesnt mean that,Just dunno how to balance both side to the most fair..and he don like to express his feeling to everyone.Happy or Sad just hide inside heart..
So we don understand him well lasttime,so the missundestanding getting serious..
He need love,but also easy let love huted.
I do really hope u found ur mrs right,and hold ur hand tight and wont loose hand to leaving u alone again
Wilson,must love my heart only u will meet a girl who is fated with u appear k^^
We r sorry wilson,everything is past,don put in heart k.
=)





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thanks for u give 6 of us this sentenses~
6 FRIENDS 1 SOUL
THE MC BANG IN THE HOUSE!yooo..





l

really not realy got take pic with him before..so few..
write until here,about him
wilson
mc bang



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turning the next one

4th FISH CHUENG





1st sight with this 2 photos,i sure u will got the feeling same with me.
Its cool!
Fish the name from june,since year ago or mayb 2 year ago?
Besides,we calling him as cheung cheung.Oopsss,i always wrong spelling his name as
'chueng chueng'
I know him since last year november too,i knew him and ben at the same time
and they two is the only i dare to talk with them at 1st.
Remember the 1st time i step intro snips,i heard somebody that told me fish wanna be the 1st of my fren at snips.that time i already got a good image of him
Because he do really look friendly and lovely in reality.
He is a unique boy,that i ever met in my life.
And aso the oni 1 i most worry abt him in 6 of us
coz he is the most soft heated,most kind,and aso the most hard 2 see him get mad 1
to be continue